Back In Your Head
by herecomethedreams
Summary: Clarke Griffin knew she was different. She was a mind reader. AU
1. You're Heavy In My Head

So I just thought of this when I was watching Harry Potter, don't ask why it wasn't even Order of The Phoenix or anything so it doesn't make any sense whatsoever that this came from that but it did and I hope you enjoy whoever actually reads this.

* * *

 **Back In Your Head**

Clarke Griffin had always been different. Always. She first realised on her tenth birthday just how different she was. Once in a blue moon a child was born on the ark that had something special about them, a gift. This gift would become active on the day of their tenth birthday and so the moment ten year old Clarke Griffin opened her eyes on the morning of her birthday she knew why she always felt different from the other kids.

Voices. Voices everywhere. She couldn't understand them, there was so many all at once she couldn't understand what they were trying to tell her. At ten years old Clarke was worried that she was going crazy, that she would be locked away because she had lost her mind.

She kept the gift to herself.

* * *

Years passed by and Clarke had trained herself to be able to shut the voices out or focus on a certain one if necessary. She could hear thoughts. It had been five years to this day that the gift had awoken inside of her, and although Clarke knew what this gift was, she told no one.

* * *

Wells had been looking at her weirdly recently and Clarke was curious as to why. She knew she shouldn't, she knew it was a major breach in someone's privacy, but she had to know. For the sake of their friendship she had to know why Wells was acting so strangely. So she read his mind.

 _She's so perfect, I love her so much, I should tell her, she might love me too, we could be happy together, but what if she doesn't? Oh forget it she doesn't._

Clarke wished she never read his mind.

* * *

The next time she used her powers was by accident. Her father had just been floated before her eyes and she lost control. She couldn't block the thoughts in that single moment because her father had just been executed and she could do nothing but watch as his life ended in front of her eyes.

There was one thought that was the strongest and that one thought echoed in Clarke's head louder than the others.

 _It's my fault he's dead._

Her mother's thought. Her mother was blaming herself for her father's death when she knew it was Wells's fault.

Her time in solitary gave her more time to think than ever and all she could think about was the thought that went through her mother's head the moment her father had been floated. _It's my fault he's dead_. What did her mother mean by that? Wells had admitted it was he who told his father, why would her mother think that it was her fault? She hated Wells more for making her mother blame herself for her father's death.

* * *

The drop ship was plummeting to the Earth's surface too fast and in the shear moment of panic and fear Clarke once again lost control of her ability to block thoughts.

 _If I die, and she hates me still, at least I died next to the girl I love._

Wells. How could he say that he loved her when he turned her father in? She felt sick. How could Wells say he loved her after what he did, if he loved her he wouldn't have done what he did.

* * *

Except it wasn't Wells that turned her father in, it was her mother. As she embraced her old friend she allowed herself to reach out into his mind.

 _Maybe she could love me too now._

In that moment Clarke really wished she could love her old friend as he loved her, but she knew in her heart she couldn't. She wasn't meant to love him, not in the way he wanted and Clarke felt awful for it, for hurting him with her purely platonic feelings.

* * *

And then he was gone.

* * *

Finn was the next person she read. She didn't mean to, well she did. Her attraction to Octavia was unrequited and she could live with that, but she was unsure if her attraction to Finn was requited as she suspected.

 _I like her, I'm probably never going to see Raven again, so why not go for Clarke?_

Raven. Finn was taken. She wished she never read his mind, wished that she was blissfully ignorant so she could have a love affair with the boy, but now that she knew he had another, even if he probably would never see her again, he was off limits and she would not go near him.

* * *

Finn was upset and confused about why she had gone so cold towards him, and she felt bad, she really did, but he had another, a girl who loved him more than anyone and she would stay away, she would push him away and not grow attached, he was off limits.

A few days later she met Raven. Clarke was glad that she read Finn's mind in that moment, she couldn't imagine the drama that would have been caused if she hadn't. She didn't want that, she didn't want the pain that it would bring. Raven was nice, snarky, and funny and the two instantly got along.

 _Finn doesn't look at me like he used to._

Clarke knew why he didn't. Finn looked at her like he should have been looking at Raven. It made her feel sick. It didn't take long for Raven to realise Finn was looking at Clarke the way he used to look at her; she confronted Clarke, asked why he did that. Clarke said she didn't know, nothing had happened, Clarke wouldn't let it. She lied and told Raven she didn't like Finn like that, she didn't that was true not anymore, but she used to before she found out he was willing to cheat on the mechanic for the blonde.

* * *

Clarke didn't read minds after that. Not even in Mount Weather when she could have used it to help her, not even when she first met with Anya to see if she was truly interested in an alliance. She didn't read minds again. Her gift was more like a curse, it had done more harm than good. She couldn't stand to use it again, she couldn't. Until Anya lay dying.

Clarke hated to admit it but she had grown attached to the grounder in the time they spent together, she cared for the other woman.

 _I hope Lexa doesn't feel the pain I know she will when she finds out._

Anya's last thought was for another's pain. She was worried that this Lexa would not be hurt by Anya's death. Clarke cared more for the grounder in that moment, she was truly selfless, and she must have loved this Lexa.

* * *

In the days that passed Clarke wondered who this Lexa was, Anya's lover perhaps? Her sister? Her daughter? Her mother? Her friend? Clarke did not know.

* * *

And then she did. There was Lexa, sat on her throne and Clarke couldn't block the Commander's thoughts as they invaded her brain.

 _She's cute, oh Gods why didn't someone tell me she was cute. Act intimidating, play with your knife, calm down. Do not let her know you think she's adorable._

Clarke fought hard to keep her smile off her face.

"So you're the one that burnt three hundred of my warriors alive."

 _Oh my God Lexa, you prepared a speech and everything and that's the best you could come out with? Stop being so soft she's just a cute girl. An insanely cute girl._

This was Lexa, Anya's second, the Commander. Clarke was besotted already.

 _The Commander is a totally adorable nerd._

 _I'm not an adorable nerd._

 _Wait._

"You can hear me?" They said at the same time.


	2. Nothing Left To Lose

**Nothing Left To Lose**

 **A/N:** Okay so after a lot of comments asking for more, I decided to do one more chapter because I love you all and you guys are amazing. The comments you have all left have made my day yesterday and I couldn't stop the smile on my face. So thank you all for liking this fic, I honestly thought when I first posted it that you all wouldn't like it but it seems you do. So without further ado, here is an ending for you all.

* * *

Ever since the two leaders had found out that yes, they could hear the other's thoughts they had been inseparable. Never in history had two people had the same gift, and the two women were drawn to each other. However, due to their mutual attraction they liked to play... games.

They gave permission for the other to have free access to their thoughts and this led to an interesting turn of events. Clarke soon found out that Lexa was very easily distracted by the blonde and found it difficult to control herself when the blonde would do certain things or act in a certain way. Clarke, naturally, took advantage of this, in a purely innocent and well meaning way of course.

For example, as the generals and Lexa were arguing about how best to attack Mount Weather Clarke leant over the table ever so slightly to look at the maps laid out.

 _Oh my god boobs. Okay calm down, it's okay look normal, act natural, stop staring at her chest._

 _Lex, remember I can hear you._

 _Oh yeah. Sorry._

 _You're such a dork._

 _What is this dork you speak of?_ Lexa looked at Clarke with a confused expression and the other woman just shook her head in response telling her silently she would explain later.

* * *

Their game carried on for days. Clarke would tease Lexa in ways that she knew would get to the brunette and Lexa gave just as good as she got. She soon found out that Clarke found her extremely attractive when she was stripped of her armour and was practicing hand to hand combat with her warriors. Lexa had heard many a thought from the other mind reader about how her muscles looked and just what the blonde wanted to do when they had a moment alone.

They days went by and the day of the attack on Mount Weather came. Before the army set off for battle the two leaders spent a rare tender moment together, memorising the other's body and mind just in case it was the last time they could. When it was time they held their heads high, looked proud, and marched into battle.

* * *

Lexa had shut Clarke out and it worried the blonde to no end. She couldn't hear the other woman and her heart clenched in dread. Something had happened. Except it wasn't what Clarke suspected. Lexa hadn't died, or been injured at all. She was soaked in blood that was not her own, covered in dirt and smeared war paint, but it was her eyes that were the most worrisome of the picture. They were dead, shut off, pain bleeding through her carefully constructed defences that only Clarke could see. She had accepted the deal, used her head and not her heart.

As Lexa walked away from the Mountain all she could hear was Clarke.

 _Please, come back, I love you, don't leave me alone, please._

It broke Lexa to keep walking away, but she kept walking, a solitary tear sliding down her face, unnoticed by those around her.

* * *

Three months. It had been three months since Clarke left camp Jaha, three months since Lexa had felt the connection.

It was weak at first but got stronger as the day progressed. Clarke was close.

She walked out of her home in Polis, her guards following at a respectable distance behind her. She used her mind to find Clarke, her thoughts became louder as she came closer. And there she was.

The two women stood in front of each other, not daring to move. Until Clarke did.

She rushed to the commander, curses flying from her tongue. Words of anger and betrayal were shouted as her fists curled and collided with the solid body before her. All Lexa could do was hold the blonde, hold the girl she loved, hold the girl she betrayed, and hope that Clarke would come to her senses.

 _I hate how I still love her._

She still loved her. Despite her betrayal Clarke still loved her. Lexa held her tighter to her body. After a while Clarke stopped struggling and let the sobs out, let the tears flow, let her body give in to the feeling of being held by the woman she still loved.

"You left, you just left me. You say you loved me but you left." She was quiet, she was defeated. And all Lexa could do was hold her closer.

"I do love you Clarke, I never wanted to hurt you, but my people must come first, I can't let my people die because of my heart. I love you Clarke and I'm sorry I left you, but I am not sorry for my decision, it was the right thing to do."

"I hate that I know you're right."

Lexa had hurt Clarke, she had destroyed her. Things would not be the same, but she was willing to wait. Willing to do whatever it took to get Clarke back again. She listened to her darkest thoughts, she held her close when Clarke needed it, she allowed the blonde back into her mind and filled it with nothing but pure adoration for the other woman to try and show her that her words were not empty, that she truly loved the woman in front of her. She hoped Clarke understood.

* * *

Months went by until Clarke let Lexa back in her head.

 _You know, you're an adorable dork when you want to be you old sap._

Lexa looked up at the blonde in shock, she had come back to her, she may be changed, she was broken, she was beaten, but the Clarke she knew was there, she was coming through, slipping through the cracks of her shattered heart. Clarke threw her a wink and a small smile, turning and marching towards the commander's home. Clarke was back.


End file.
